Could it get me on TV?

So I love pandas. I collect anything with a panda on it. If I need to buy something, say an umbrella, I want one with pandas on it. Cute ones, not the ugly fat fake looking ones...the ones that look real and like you want to just cuddle up with them.

I happened upon a cool looking umbrella on SALE! at my local store. It was on sale because it had a tiny little hole in it. Tiny as in a pin hole size. Oh, I can fix that, so I bought it. Now I have an umbrella with a hole in it. Not that I use an umbrella very often...most of the time I forget I even have access to one and run through the rain to my car or the nearest building. Or I'm out and about and of course the umbrella is at home. With a hole in it. What is the point of even having or using an umbrella if it has a hole it in? Granted it is tiny, but still. Thats just wrong.

So, I was thinking I need to repair my holey umbrella so I can use it with confidence. Hmmm..any ideas on how to fix a hole in an umbrella? Me neither. Perhaps I could always fall back on the tried and true duck tape...a tiny piece neatly cut into a simple circle just big enough to cover my hole. Hey you can even get colors, so a nice green to blend in with the fabric would do it. But no, I can never just do the simple and move on.

I started to think about whats the worst that could happen if I just threw caution to the wind and used it without fixing the hole? What are the chances that one rouge raindrop would slither its way through that one tiny place and drop on me? Normally that would be ok, but what if it hit me in a crucial place, such as, I don't know, in my eyeball? And I was walking down a busy downtown Decorah street, and the sudden appearance of a foreign and unexpected raindrop into my eyeball would cause me to get discombobulated and flail around and accidentally walk into the path of an on coming bus!

Ok, we don't have a lot of buses per say in Decorah, but it could easily be a semi or a big SUV and it would still be bad. I could die. "How did she die?" Oh, she had a raindrop hit her in the eyeball and she walked into the path of a very big Jeep!" How terrible. Of course, how would the ME know that? The offending raindrop would be long gone and then everyone would wonder why I walked into the road.

OOOOOO....perhaps they would put me on a TV show about "How did she Die?" to figure out what happened. It would be super awesome to be the subject of a TV show, but I don't really want to be dead to do it. BUT if I get murdered some day, I do so hope I can be on one of those forensic shows where they solve my murder using DNA and other cool evidence to catch my killer.  At least if I were murdered, something good would come out of it, even though I'd be too dead to appreciate it. I guess I can't be alive and be the subject of a murder show....then all my friends and family could talk about me and how I just "lit up a room" and would "do anything for you" cause that's what they always say about all the dead people. They never say "she was an old bat" or "complained about everything".

It would be bad though if they don't discover the hole in my umbrella so they never figure out it was a rogue raindrop and they just think I was crazy....but really what are the chances that one raindrop would find its way to that one tiny hole and then be big enough to maintain its mass to still be a drop when it wiggles its way through said hole and fall into my eyeball? It has a lot of other area on my body to make contact with and never hit my actual eyeball. It could hit me in the shoulder and I'd never even feel it, therefore never get discombobulated and then never walk out in front of a Jeep. Then again, I'd never be on TV. Sigh.

Maybe I can be on TV for being a world famous author or cause I became a millionaire by discovering the perfect substance to fix an umbrella! I know that will never happen, so I guess I am going to keep the hole in my umbrella and try to aim it at my eyeball to see if I can actually get one to land there. It could keep me occupied while waiting for the bus to pick me up.