Stronger in the Broken Places

Its late, I should be sleeping, but I keep thinking about what a delicate and beautiful thing a heart is.  So fragile, yet strong...when someone breaks it, or gauges out a big ragged piece of it, somehow it keeps on beating.  When a beloved friend or grandparent dies, a lover breaks their sacred vow, or a dear friend blindsides you with malice, we wonder why we ever let ourselves love them so much.

You take such a risk when you let someone inside your heart.  You are exposing parts of yourself that are precious and delicate.  Its a wonder we ever do it again once someone scars it badly.

That fresh wound, that raw and bleeding place, it hurts.  Whether blindsided by a shocking disappointment, or crushed by a devastating loss, it cuts through that soft and sensitive tissue, leaving a slash, or a hole awash with blood...at first it is dripping with sorrow and pain, with tears.  It's all you can think about and must be dealt with immediately.  Everyone hugs you, helping you to put slight pressure on your wound, as pressure helps staunch the flow....a fragile scab eventually seals in your tears.  The tissue slowly starts to knit together, ever so slowly and softly, healing with time and with care.  You treat it tenderly and gently, but it might get bumped with a memory or a smell...it might even break open a few times, awash with fresh blood...only to have to knit together again...

As the wound begins to heal, the swelling goes down, the bruises fade...and the hurt isn't the focal point of your heart as much anymore.  The scar will remain, the hole might not fill in.  You kind of make a little box to keep your heart in for a while....you want to protect it from such pain in the future, you don't want to risk such a crushing, debilitating wound again!  You might even have to nail the box shut for a bit...self preservation and fear drive the nails in.

But as time goes on, as the scar makes that broken place stronger than it was before, hope and renewal will come along with a pliers and slowly take those nails out of your heart box....one by one, perhaps you might get scared and replace one or two in the process, but eventually the nails come out, and you get brave enough to lift that lid off the box.  Perhaps someone helps you to lift that lid off...You might leave some of the sides on the box, you aren't that brave anymore, it hurts too much.  BUT you let someone inside your heart again.  Perhaps they reach in and fill that hole, maybe that hole never gets filled.  Perhaps they decorate a new corner of your heart and make it shine and bounce and glow with happiness.  This bright love and shine of hope outshines the darker spots, it radiates more powerfully than the bleakness of the scar did.  Perhaps a new friendship, or a place for forgiveness.

The point is, we all get wrecked.  We all get slashed to pieces sometimes, but then we are stronger in the broken spots, it will heal as we let others shine their light in to overshadow that disappointment, that scar, that sorrow.  If you keep your heart in the box too long, it will shrivel up and no light gets in at all.  It's hard to believe in that light when your heart is crying fresh blood, your pain is so raw.

Its been 6 months since someone slashed a wretched crevice into my heart.  I was completely devestated by the blow, shocked by someone who I thought was a dear friend and then she revealed her true self and I am still trying to let that wound heal.  It bled for a long time...I think it might be scaring over now, and I'm hoping for a big strong spot to melt that hole back together.  I'm struggling to make the choice every day to forgive and let it go.  Learn from it but not let it scare me into not letting other dear ones inside my heart.  That is hard as I don't want to take my heart out of my box - I want it armored so I can't bleed, but yet I want that connection that only can come from an open heart from me to my dear sweet friends.  And there is no room in there for hate or resentment, so as I choose every day to forgive and let that scar become stronger, I try to fill up with the joy and love borne of true friends and genuine relationships built on trust and faith.