Athletically Challenged

I am severely athletically challenged.  I am not exaggerating.  I do not have one iota of athletic ability in me.  When God was deciding how to design me, for some reason in his infinite wisdom decided I didn't need one drop of athleticism in my entire make up.  Someday I will be able to ask him about this, and just what the deal is with that, but until then, I have to cope with my lack of ability in this area.

God didn't see it fit to give me any coordination, speed, agility, or that ability to hit the softball with a bat.  None.  Didn't get any of that.  To this day, I don't believe I have ever hit a softball with a bat.  I couldn't even hit a tee ball on a tee (I am NOT lying).  Even if by some miracle (divine intervention would be needed) I would hit the ball, I'd never make it safely to 1st base.  I am slower than Yertle the Turtle.  Any race - I'm the one lagging a few laps behind, the one everyone feels sorry for...ohhh look at her, at least she's still -- well, no...she's down....oh how sad...get her some water....

In PE (the worst class ever) when we were told to run laps, I'd just run until everyone else was done.  So if everybody else ran their allotted 10, I probably did about 6.  When they stopped, so did I.  Otherwise we'd be there till next week and I'd be the only out there.  My high school PE teacher hated me, I'm sure.  He'd yell at me to run faster and I'd say, "you cant make me run."  I didn't either, it was more of a fast walking jog.

PE - pretty much hell on earth.  For a kid like me, before I was able to reconcile my condition with who I was as a person and realize my talents lay far far FAR away from a gym, it was very emotionally hard for me.  By high school I didn't give a rip, but before that, being the last one picked is hard enough, but for me it was "we HAVE to have HER again...we had HER last time, you guys take her, no you, no you...." they would fight over who was STUCK with me.  No lie.

I would like to take aside the guy who invented volleyball and explain to him just how terrible he made my PE classes.  Because of his little invention, I suffered many hours of volleyball hell...I was the girl who just prayed not to get hit by that stupid ball.  There is no way I was ever going to hit that torture device with my arms.  At that time I tipped the scales at like 90 pounds, so my twigs that passed for arms were very tiny and very weak.  If by some divine intervention (again) I might actually get the despised ball to hit my wrist where you are supposed to meet with the ball, I NEVER could wack that thing hard enough to get it to actually go anywhere....wack...immediately drop to the floor with thud.  That was only like the 3 times in my life my wrist would actually come in contact with said ball, usually that ball was no where NEAR my wrist.  I was just relieved it didn't wack me in the head. Again.  

Lets see, basketball was a joke.  I would be stuck on a team, and nobody would ever throw the ball to me (like I could catch it...lol) so I would stand there looking like a doofus with nothing to do.  Nobody worried about guarding me either.  Never had to worry about me making any points. My PE teacher would yell at me to get moving...umm...where?  If that divine intervention would ever show up and I would actually get the ball in my hands - forget about getting it into the hoop.  Yea right.  I don't think I made my first basket until like college...no lie.  You think I'm making these things up?  Nope.  That is how sad my affliction is...its real.

If we were to play dodge ball where the little foam balls are placed in the middle of the gym, everyone runs up to get them and you try to hit the other guys with a ball to get them out - I would walk up to the balls and wait for someone to get me out and sit down.  I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a ball, no way was I ever going to get someone out, I was on my way out soon enough, so might as well get it over with and sit down.  Again, my PE teacher would yell at me I had to try harder, and I'd say "I tried, they got me out fair and square."  Take that one PE teacher!

You name the sport, I SUCKED at it.  I was the worst player ever.  Even if I would be trying my hardest, it is like even more embarrassing cause I still fell on my face.  I was the worlds worst cheerleader (when there are only 5 girls who show up to try-outs you get in).  I actually did try pretty hard in this area.  Honestly I only did it cause two of my best friends were doing it and they talked me into it and I thought it would be cool to get thrown up in the air. It was.

I practiced for hours at home, trying to get the motions to the cheers right.  This action and this word and do this with your feet and clap.  I am the most uncoordinated person ever, and this required a lot of that.  Ooops

I think I called in sick the night we had to perform that one....either that or I've blocked it out because I can't stand to recall such horrible nightmares.

I don't understand running.  Why?  It sucks.  Why would you run on purpose?  I only run if someone is after me (but get real he's gonna catch me) or if I have to go to the bathroom really bad.  Otherwise...I don't understand the notion.  Marathons?  Those people have to have something wrong with them...sane people don't do that do they? 

I will never understand people who love sports...but then again they will never understand me...but I'd rather have a brain and excel in academics than at being able to throw a ball into a hoop...but that's just me.